My name is Jason Boyd. I’m a survivor of trauma including childhood emotional abuse and neglect and later events in my adult life that caused an implosion and subsequent disability status for PTSD. I’m sharing my story for a number of reasons — to find meaning in it, to get the help of peers who have experienced difficult childhoods or traumatic loss in understanding my own story, and to share my experience with overcoming, and not overcoming, these things.
I am incredibly grateful to any who will read this in progress story, as I cannot do it alone. In the long run the story gets so interesting as to be surreal for me and likely smell like bullshit to some others. I’ve had incredulous as well as supportive and sympathetic reactions in my private life to sharing some of it. There’s sex, addiction, love, death, government corruption, and art and music and video games in it. Mental asylums and fugue states and brushes with power. I say all this in part to entice anyone to follow the story.
I’m going through the darkest time of my life the past few years. I’m not working due to the depression and panic attacks about being around other people, and have lost all family as well as the network of friends I’d taken some 20 years to gather. I was deeply impacted by the events around the Boston Marathon bombings in 2013, in ways that are impossible to neatly summarize. Just about the only way I feel in the same boat as others when it comes to suffering is that we all have climate change, President Drumpf, school shootings, toxic industrialized food production, etc. I need to write to reach out and find other survivors of childhood, to help me on the path of recovery that I hold out hope is possible.
A note about the structure and lack thereof of this writing. I decided in 2017 after years of prodding by therapists that I wanted to share my story, and began by taking some private journal posts and making them public. I wrote some, crashed and stopped writing for a while, and in June of 2018 have started writing again, this time letting anyone know I’m writing. So all writing has been shifting from private journal to slightly cleaned up public journal to slightly more intentional story. I recommend starting with the last, which begins with the Why Write a Memoir? post, and is sorted from there in intended reading order, which will change as I go. All the writing has not been edited, and older topics are not ordered at all, as my intention is to begin curating/editing/organizing into more of a book form with chapters only when I’ve been able to capture a lot of the full story.
Thanks for reading.